Self Improvement

Self-development has been for years the most neglected area to most human beings, it is an area that we tend to leave unattended, a bit like the flowers in our gardens. It is not until we have an excess of weeds growing among them that we head out into the garden to remove the large weeds that are strangling the beautiful plants. If we were to pull the weeds as they appear, they would not only come up easily but would not have any effect on the flowers.

As with flower beds our minds are full of the weeds, weeds of doubt, weeds of guilt, weeds of shame and the like. We tend not to address them early as they are not having much of an effect on our lives. Slowly over the years they begin to get bigger and stronger as they are left to grow wild in our minds having a detrimental effect on our emotions. We begin to see that they are damaging yet we do nothing to begin the process of attending to them. They start out having a small effect on us and to those that are close to us and then begin to have an effect in all areas of our lives.

To give an example I will start with doubt, Doubt can begin with an individual not doing something that is important to them; it can be something small, like saying yes when they really want to say no. I was and still can be like this. It starts with saying yes to going shopping and ends with me feeling angry for going. This may seem quite trivial at a glance, but if I were to repeat this time and time again, I will begin to doubt myself. I will start to blame others for asking me to go shopping and if I don't go, I begin to feel guilty.

If then the person who has asked to go shopping, begins to say that I am being horrible for not going with them, I can be left with the feeling that I am horrible, that I am bad, or that I am doing something wrong. All this began with someone asking to go shopping and suddenly I am feeling horrible, bad or doing something wrong. I am not bad, horrible or wrong for not wanting to go shopping yet, I have these feelings that I do not understand or know what to do with.

Self-development is a great way of beginning to understand the internal workings that all human beings have. When I say all, I mean all human beings have. There is not a person on this planet that does not have them. It may not be about going shopping, it may be about absolutely anything, but I will guarantee that you have them.

I have hundreds of them that I am beginning to recognise and start the process of changing. Over the years I have embarked upon a journey to find out what makes me tick, to find out what makes me angry, self-pitying, sad, lonely happy, elated and contented.

Most human beings do not choose to do this; they have the ability to blame everyone and everything for how they feel. It is their partners fault for asking to go shopping, it is the boss's fault that they are overworked, it is their parents fault that they are the way they are. I used to be like this throughout my twenties and into my thirties, then something changed and do you want to know what changed? It was me that changed, my partner didn't change, my boss didn't change and my childhood didn't change, I changed.

I began to change how I viewed myself, how I viewed others and then how I viewed the world. I did this through a number of different self-development courses, courses that I found difficult, courses that I did not necessarily want to attend and courses that began to challenge my way of being. A way that I had been for over thirty years, A way that I felt was comfortable for me, even if I was not happy, contented or at peace, it was what I had always known. Although I felt that I was not as happy as I would like to be, it felt familiar to be sat in my own discomfort, it felt warm and a bit smelly, but it felt safe. Trying something new felt uncomfortable but so did staying where I was, so I decided that if I were to feel uncomfortable either way, that I would try something new to see if it were any better. I am pleased to say that it is much better. Much better than sitting in the same shit place, day after day, month after month and year after year.

I did something that all humans are afraid of, I changed, and I went into the unknown with courage in my heart. I went in search of who Paul is, if I were to find that I was a coward then at least I could do something about it. If I were to find out that I was a people pleaser then at least I could change it. If I were to stay the way I was, then I would still be stuck in the shit blaming you for my sad state of a life. A life that I did not want, but did not have the courage to change until I had the courage to face Paul.

Self-development believe it or not is developing the self. Developing me not you, I am not here to change you that is your job. You and I mean all of you have the opportunity to change on a daily basis, yet will you? Will you go on a self-development course to understand yourself better? Will you have a look at the sometimes painful truth about you? No, I guess most people reading this will be in denial, not the river in Egypt, in a place where you are too scared to have a look, for fear of what you will find.

What will you find if you have a look deep within? You will find out that you are all things that are human, you will find that you are all things that are normal and if you look hard enough you will find the real and authentic self. A person that is able to say yes when you want to and to say no and not feel guilty about it. You will be able to live the life that you were put on this planet to live in true peace and contentment. You will not fear being rejected, you will not be doing things that you feel that you are supposed to do and you will begin to have real friends and loved ones around, the ones that are meant to be around you. Not the individuals that are there to take, take, take.

When I was in active addiction, I would do anything to get your respect, to the detriment of my self-esteem. I would buy all and sundry drinks because I wanted you to like me. If today I need to buy you drinks to get you to like me, then I am not working hard enough on myself. I will buy you a drink because I want to buy you one, not for you to like me.

If I have to go shopping with you to gain your approval then I am being fake. We have all met characters like me when I was drinking, they want your attention, they want to be funny, and they want approval all the time. The thing is, when they don't get your approval they are devastated, they get angry or they sulk. Are you one of these characters, or do you have secrets of your own, ones that you fear will never see the light of day? Well I can only share my experience and it is this, if I am going to keep who I am from reaching day light then I am going to be in the dark a long time.

What I found out was this, when I am truthful with myself and others, then I get peace of mind and feel content with how I am. If I start to wear masks, pretending to be something I am not, then I begin to fear getting found out. Today I just want to be me warts and all. In order to do this I need to keep developing, growing and attending the weeds in my garden. The weeds of doubt, the weeds of guilt and the weeds that seems to spring up when I stop doing the weeding.

To conclude, Self-development is a lot like going to the gym, if I stop going then I tend to lose what I have begun to build up. Self-development is the best investment that I have ever gave to myself, A Christmas present that has been with me well into the new year and the year after. A gift to myself, one that I truly deserve, that you truly deserve if you have the courage to invest in your future. A future that will not only look good to the outside world but will feel good on the inside to you.

So if you are sitting reading this and feel you are not quite where you would like to be, then face the most important person you are ever to face while you are breathing, Face you. Stand up right now and have a good look in the mirror, do you like who is staring back from the glass? If you are totally honest with yourself you will find that the mirror unfortunately never lies, you can lie to me, you can lie to your partner and you can lie to the world, yet the person standing looking back from the mirror knows the truth.

It is here that I will hand this back to you, for it is you that counts, it is you that can change or you that can stay the same.

It is the truth that will set you free

It has been said that 90% of what we think is repeated day after day after day. If you want the same in 2011 as you have got in the year 2010 then keep doing what you are doing.

If not then self-development is the only way I know to change.

Becoming Successful Is Easy and Making Money is Even Easier. Click Here Now to find out more.