Self Improvement

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

-Winston Churchill

The #1 question I am asked more than anything else is, "How do I stop feeling like I do?" Put another way, "How do I stop the pain?" No matter what your situation, whether you've been left by your partner, you've just lost your job, you have no confidence, you're jealous, you want revenge and on and on, YOU CAN get beyond the emotions and feelings attached to it.

First let me say this...we're all only human. Of course you are going to have the initial pangs of hurt, anger, fear, etc. at the onset of any situation. It's called reaction. It's normal to have these kinds of feelings when you are threatened by a situation or hurt by someone.

When things don't work out the way you would like them to there's no doubt it will elicit a gamut of emotions and feelings that you have to deal with. But, it becomes a problem when you can't let go of feeling bad about whatever has happened or is happening.

Whether you like it or not, you have to first accept what is. If you have no control over what has occurred, wishing things were different isn't going to make it so. It's in this resisting of what is and not accepting, that causes your pain.

So, how do you get over it? You change your thoughts. You change what you keep saying to yourself about the situation, you get in control of your inner dialogue. You control the one thing you can - your view of it, the way you choose to look at any given set of circumstances.

You can apply this to anything you are experiencing. Take this example: let's say your relationship has ended. After the initial shock and expected time in healing you still find yourself stuck in the pain, you can't seem to get over it and you may even believe you never will.

Remember, no matter what you're experiencing, (job loss, jealousy etc.) it's what you are telling yourself about this situation that keeps you from moving forward.

Back to the breakup. So, you are sitting there feeling miserable, you are going over and over in your mind, what if, if only, shoulda-woulda-coulda - all kinds of thoughts of what happened and how things might have been different if you had done things differently.

You may be saying things like: I feel so bad, I'm so hurt, I'm devastated, I'll never get over this, how could this happen to me, why did this happen, I'm so depressed, I'll never meet anyone again, who are they with, what is wrong with me that they didn't love me, and the list goes on. (Remember, the words will change according to whatever the personal "thing" you're trying to get over.)

Now, how do you think these kinds of thoughts would make a person feel? Good or bad? It is these exact moments of dwelling on your situation in a negative, non productive manner that will make Heaven out of hell or hell out of Heaven.

You have to flip the script!

You can start slowly, but the key is starting. Instead, each time you catch yourself falling back into the pit of woe-is-me thinking you have to change your thoughts. Say something like this: I may feel crushed right now but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or, I've been through a lot and I miss what I had but each day I am moving closer and closer to getting over this. Or, I am strong and I know that this too shall pass.

I don't care what it is you say, but you must say something other than whatever it is you keep saying to yourself now. Figure it out and write it down. Each time you fall back, read it and re-read it. Keep telling yourself that sometimes things don't happen the way we want but it doesn't mean your life is over; only that part of it is over.

Plus, know that everything happens for a reason. Most times it's a blessing in disguise. But if you keep dwelling on what makes you feel bad, that is exactly how you are going to experience your day, feeling bad.

You are the only one who has control of what you think about any given situation. You can make it good or bad, livable or not by how you present it to your mind. If you keep beating yourself over the head with toxic thoughts it will only serve to keep you stuck exactly where you don't want to be.

So if there is something you're trying to get over now you know, it is the way you choose to think about it that will make you or break you. So choose your thoughts wisely. It's 100% your choice as to what you think.

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